My middle school days (pre teen - young teens)

Before you read about my old pain know this

its all started with in middle school i read kurts journal the whole thing

and he mentioned hypnogogia and i head strange in between sleep and awake state of awareness trance = hallucinated so i heard whispers in middle school hallucinated but couldnt understand what the voices said unless it was my name the spoke very unclear until my water fast

in fact you can practice meditation train with faith to open up hearing voices thats the only reason why i think meditations fun cause of esp

i wanted to be bipolar just to hallucinate and bipolar cause kurt was labled that lol (in middle school) i only had a few hallucinated moments back then but i love kurt lol he made black sheep lables like that cool which i was like the unpopular kids are still cool group not doing stuff for attention but i do these info shares cause of i wanna help inspire people

i actually was mostly very depressed starting in 6th grade the first grade of middle school

black sheep is slang for out cast

i used to think a ton of  suicide daily and was self harming...

i cut love hate into my arm

cause i wanted love but i hated me cause

after sex stuff i fell in love with my first gf emma

shes gorgeous i think she marylin monroe reincarnated alot

but she broke up with me cause she wanted to try boys instead

not blaming her but alot of people around that time when they took anger out on me like im omega or a scapegoat i acted like a martyr alot and self sacrificed to please them cause it sees like they all tried on purpose to hurt me by yelling

( i had daddy issues cause of spanks)

i got over alll this stuff later though (i write tips for happiness found and kept on this site to try to save anyone who needs saving)

 i just thought my friends were the coolest that i was always worried i wasnt worthy enough to anyone like as if i deserved hate from god and i ffeared god saw him as an evil version of santa that i didnt wanna believe in god then i just thought he'd try to hurt me too i always felt like a failure to myself and feared what others thought about me