high school (age 14 or 15 to 18)

my fear of  what others thought about me

grew into extreeem paranoia

i tried OD on anti depressants i played russian roulette will those pills

i woke up happy for once cause i saw heavenly ghosts all around me giving me an intense longing for them  to stay but my fear and bad faith they would leave made me blind to them

reminds me of this video that came out around the same time:

 scenes of her in harms way in the music video: (exact ways i used to fantisize about my death and my life flashed in front of me too like the song says but i found this song way later)

Rihanna - Russian Roulette (Official Music Video)

i was homesick as f  still.... of the other side i went into drug and booze experimenting to try to get in contact with the other side aka the spirit realm to learn wtf im supposed to do in life cause boredom and lonliness were killing me slowly inside now im rarely bored and when im bored it dont last that long (maybe only about up to 1 0 minutes at a time rarely)

my thoughts around this time was these lyrics:

before i heard the song

Rihanna - What Now (Official)

her songs do that alot by the way but more so in her anti album cause that was more notacable intentional direct telepathy atttempts  cause i matched her face to the red haireed gaara like female i wished was real for me

gaara is my type and i wanted a girl back then as gaaara

so yeah read my dreams itll be there soon

but other than that high school is summed up as:

i was always aiming for getting the school desk thats in the very back then years after school days i learned kurt did that from reading his quotes

the death

i 'saw' at 17

Kurt Cobain Been A Son Early Demo

oh i thought they meant clearly hearing voices but he says seen "wasnt clearly at first but we mention you used that fast intentionally to decalcyfy your pineal gland aka 3rd eye in the brain aka it releases the dream chemical DMT which...."

i tried to fast

3 weeks only drinking super filtered water experience (November 2011)

to open up my extra sensory perception used faith in it made it work i didnt need the fast

the good best voices changed my life and myself to be way best ever with love as a personality for me too which was what i lacked

was suicidal until voices taught me joy but i had difficulty balancing in my high on life state

ps made my first songs as karen at age  18 after graduating cause my higher self told me to play guitar and i recorded them

before then i never let myself sing cause i thought my voice would be bad

anyways my jams are possesed style by higher self gods (i had no idea wtf i was singing till i listened back to the recording i learned that from observing kurt cobains imporovs spon jams and home demo tapes ) they out of order :

trying to update the lyrics now that i have headphones its a process to re add them all All He Roah Songs

but that will take time so

most lyrics were already on the videos in this playlist He 'Roah' Music By Karen K. Soon (Channeled)

but that might not be interpretted all the way perfect yet